Open shop windows.
Winds rustling new leaves on trees.
Heart reaching outside.
Sometimes I look at you on a map.
I’ll put my thumb on you and my finger on me.
I’ll slowly pinch the 2 until we become 1
and you don’t seem so far away for a moment.
It’s not that I like Jazz
But I need it, in the way
I need my teeth cleaned
or to wash the dishes
I need it like skimming the pool
and doing my taxes
Jazz is necessary.
Even if it never relaxes.
Yes, it’s mostly a 1 sided relationship
and she feels.
But when the emotions become too much
and she breaks
She’ll need him.
That’s what he lives for.
She asks me if I’ve been writing much lately.
As if she missed reading all the ways she hurt me.
No, I say to her, I’ve been rather content as of late.
Why, I think only to myself,
would you like to break my heart for old time’s sake?
Because every man she goes out with
He fears will be the one for her
The woman that’s loving him now
May be the perfect one for him.
And he fears he may never stop
Being in love with her.
There were a 1000 ways to make it right
a 1000 ways we chose to fight
a 1000 things we never said
a 1000 times we only bled
a 1000 ways we got it wrong
a 1000 ways to sing that song
but only 1 sure way it ended
our souls unwillingly blended.
Somewhere out in nothingness, circling around the Sun was a little blue green planet. On this Planet there was a big ocean, a wide sky, tall mountains and a vast desert. Tiny people and their machines scurried all over with the their feet and wheels and everything was harmonious, for a time.
The Sun could see that on that planet Desert was falling in love with Ocean. The Sun knew that Ocean and Desert would not be a good pair, too different from each other, this couple could never work. Sun watched silently, worried.
Ocean and Desert, themselves, both knew it would never work between them for one cold spring they had tried and the planet shook with great trembles, unable to adjust. They agreed to ignore the love they felt because one day their love would destroy one of them.
So Planet turned on and on, unaware and Desert and Ocean went on without each other and Sun observed. Sun watched as caravans would cross the scorching dunes of Desert and the Sun saw as freighters would break over Ocean’s soaking waves. Desert and Ocean never appeared to notice.
But when the moon pulled the Ocean away from Desert’s shore the jealous Desert let a nomad die in the wind and sand and burn at the Sun’s hand.
Once a year the rains would rush down from the mountains, washing Desert in a rare flood of life and Ocean would beat the coasts with a frothy rage and pull a sailor unapologetically down into the dark depths.
The planet shivered, something wasn’t the same.
Everyone could see that Desert and Ocean had moved on, moved away, let the other be, because that was the choice life had made for them but sometimes,
in the dark of night, Desert’s edge
would stretch out into Ocean’s bed.
Will you ever know how much I thirst?
and Ocean would calm with a warm glow
Will you ever know I feel so cold?
without words because, of course, they both know:
They could never let the Sun say “I told you so”.
With my muse dead
or moved on
the words rot
fighting my way off the bed
and brushing my teeth
between the pot of tea
and the 4 hours of forgettable sitcoms
with my muse moved on
to another man and
my foot still stuck in something… sticky, like mud
theatre floor covered in candy she dropped in the excitement
I wonder if I was ever really
meant to write
She and I really connected in a way neither of us were used to.
and it was a wonder thing that transcended sex and bodies.
But sex and bodies were put in the way to make sense of things we couldn’t describe.
Sex and bodies got in the way of our transcendence.
There’s so much that just
But those parts that do work
Feel far more satisfying than “stable”.
We aren’t good for each other.
We are heroin.
We are hard liquor binges.
We are yellowed fingers and holes worn in jeans.
Not right for each other
We know that.
That good part
knowing, knowing, knowing just how wrong it would be
we drown in specifics
but ‘I can’t make you love me’
and the truth is
you’ll have your friends longer than you’ll have me
if for nothing more than self-fulfilling prophecy.
the most damaging thing I will ever do
is to tell myself
that I know everything about you.